"I've already filed eighteen citations since arriving at your studio alone!"
"Eighteen? We've been talking for five minutes!"
"Nineteen now. You just used a mathematical exaggeration without providing a disclaimer about temporal accuracy."

Meet the Galaxy's Most Polite Bureaucratic Nightmare

Picture a lavender pear with three eyes (one named Reginald who writes haikus) carrying 600 citation forms and genuinely believing there are seventy-three distinct ways to politely decline a sugar cube. That's Ambassador Zorp Glorbax—and he thinks Earth is where common sense goes to die.

As Lead Investigator of Missing Common Sense for the Intergalactic Division, this alien bureaucrat travels the cosmos documenting why beings make obviously daft decisions. His favourite case? Our "wonderland of investigative opportunities" called Earth, where humans voluntarily hurtle through sky-tubes, poison themselves recreationally with fermented beverages, and maintain weather small talk despite controlling the climate.

From Flarbgarrl Prime—where saying "no" directly requires therapy—Zorp brings forty-seven pages of tea protocols to Felix's studio and immediately starts filing citations for our "Egregious Common Sense Deficiencies."

Top 3 Moments When Logic Left for Holiday

The Poetry Emergency

When a Versesian poet declared her "heart was a burning star," Zorp called paramedics and calculated gravitational implications whilst the audience laughed. His first successful metaphor? "My brain felt like something it definitely isn't!" STEEP logged this historic breakthrough in real-time.

The Backwards Bureau Incident

Zorp's career began watching hundreds of educated beings walk backwards for three days due to a filing error—unable to fix it because the correction clerk couldn't find their office walking backwards. Someone had to ask, "Why are we doing this?"

Love Without Forms

Most touching: Zorp's partner Florm suggested something radical for date three: "Let's just talk. No forms." They spent three rebellious hours in actual conversation. (They filed Retroactive Conversation Documentation afterwards, naturally.)

"Sometimes I... misfile things on purpose."

Quotable Quotes from the Quantum Filing Cabinet

Zorp discovers sarcasm: "No wonder your common sense is always vacationing! You've built an entire communication system on beautiful lies!"

His existential breakthrough: "We're all just trying to make sense of existence. Some do it with forms and protocols, others with poetry and metaphors, and some beautiful, chaotic beings put their hands in soil and listen."

Felix's exasperation: "Oh, for the love of Earl Grey... did you just file a citation for my sign-off?"

STEEP's Analysis

"The Ambassador's logical frameworks experienced catastrophic failure seventeen times. His third eye achieved enlightenment. Felix said 'Oh, for the love of Earl Grey' nine times. His filing system gained sentience and began questioning its own existence. Conclusion: Human-Glibglob relations require stronger tea. Much stronger."

Next Time on When Aliens Come to Tea...

Prepare your emergency parenting protocols! Fleeb Parental-Unit-Prime arrives—literally their own family reunion, sprouting thirty-nine offspring who ALL hit puberty simultaneously during recording. Their advice includes: "When you ground yourself, specify which parts."

Your Common Sense Citation

What everyday human behaviour would baffle Zorp most? Tweet your self-citations with #CommonSenseVacation. Best ones get featured in "STEEP Judges Your Life Choices"!