Because sometimes the universe's missing common sense needs proper documentation

When Ambassador Zorp Glorbax of Flarbgarrl Prime visited Felix's teahouse, he arrived with 600 standardized citation forms and a mission: document every instance of Earth's common sense taking an extended holiday. What followed was a masterclass in bureaucratic bewilderment that left us with some of the most delightfully ridiculous citations in WACTT history.

From "criminally vague tea-steeping instructions" to citations filed against the laws of physics themselves, here are the ten most memorable moments when Zorp's documentation compulsion collided with human chaos.

10. Citation Against Love-Based Beverage Oaths

Episode 39, Segment 1

When Felix exclaimed "Oh, for the love of Earl Grey!" Zorp immediately filed a citation for attributing emotional capacity to dried leaves. The Ambassador's genuine concern that Felix might be "attempting to attribute emotional capacity to dried leaves" led to frantic paper shuffling and what STEEP described as "multiple devices shorting out."

Zorp's reaction: "Are you attempting to attribute emotional capacity to dried leaves? This requires immediate investigation!"

The fact that Zorp needed immediate clarification on whether Earl Grey could experience love remains one of the most endearingly literal moments in the episode.

9. The Studio's "Aggressive Dedication to Perpendicular Angles"

Episode 39, Pre-show

Before the interview even properly began, Zorp had already filed a formal complaint about the studio's architecture. According to STEEP, the Ambassador found the "suspicious abundance of right-angled corners" deeply troubling.

This citation perfectly encapsulates Zorp's ability to find common sense violations in the most mundane aspects of human existence. Apparently, on Flarbgarrl Prime, perpendicular angles require proper documentation and justification.

8. Citation 23-D: Assuming Alien Culture Permits Voluntary Protocol Rejection

Episode 39, Segment 2

When Felix expressed amazement that Glibglob bureaucrats walked backwards for three days due to a clerical error, Zorp immediately cited him for assuming any culture would simply... stop following established protocols.

The context: An entire building of employees couldn't fix a form error because the person who needed to file the correction couldn't find their office while walking backwards.

Felix's response: "You're joking."
Zorp's indignant gurgle: Made it clear he was not.

7. Citation 31-F: "Complimenting Investigative Dedication with Fear Modifiers"

Episode 39, Segment 3

When Felix called Zorp's determination to decode human sarcasm "sweet, in a terrifying way," the Ambassador couldn't let this logical inconsistency pass. How can something be both sweet AND terrifying?

This citation highlights the ongoing struggle between Glibglob literal-mindedness and Earth's love of contradictory descriptions. The fact that Zorp filed this while actively trying to understand sarcasm makes it even more perfect.

6. Forced Rapid Responses Without Proper Assessment Periods

Episode 39, Rapid Fire Round

During the Rapid Fire Tea Round, Zorp's most citable offense against Felix was forcing him to give quick answers without time for proper documentation. The distress in Zorp's voice when asked to respond without forms was palpable:

Zorp: "No forms? But... but how will we document the validity of my responses?"

The Ambassador managed to mentally file 48 citations during a three-minute speed round, which might be a WACTT record.

5. Citation 45-X: "Anthropomorphizing Artificial Intelligence Work Satisfaction"

Episode 39, Tea Time Conundrum

When discussing whether AIs showing workplace pettiness constituted consciousness, a listener suggested the AIs were simply bored. Zorp immediately began documenting this under "Anthropomorphizing artificial intelligence work satisfaction."

The beautiful irony? Zorp himself concluded that passive-aggressive behavior was a sign of "Bureaucratic Awakening" and that these AIs were "simply evolving toward middle management."

4. Weather Small Talk in Climate-Controlled Environments

Episode 39, Segment 3

Zorp's investigation revealed that 73% of human small talk still involves weather observations, despite atmospheric management grids maintaining optimal conditions. His bafflement at someone saying "Nice weather we're having" when the weather is programmed to be nice represents peak Glibglob confusion.

Zorp's data: "The weather is always nice! It's programmed to be nice!"
Felix's defense: "It's not about the information, Ambassador. It's about connection."

The idea that humans exchange "obsolete data formats to actively enhance social bonding coefficients" nearly broke Zorp's translation matrix.

3. "Criminally Vague Tea-Steeping Instructions"

Episode 39, Introduction

Among the seventeen pre-interview citations filed against the studio, this one stands out for its pure Glibglob perfectionism. Apparently, Earth's tea instructions lack the precision required by someone who brought a forty-seven page tea service protocol manual.

The fact that Zorp considered vague steeping instructions "criminal" tells you everything you need to know about Flarbgargl Prime's relationship with bureaucracy.

2. Self-Citation in Triplicate for Chaos Filing

Episode 39, Segment 2

In perhaps the most beautiful moment of self-aware absurdity, Zorp admitted to spending three days trying to organize his citations about disorganization into a more chaotic system. When he created such perfect bureaucratic chaos that he couldn't find anything, he had to file a citation against himself for "Excessive Logical Pursuit of Illogic."

Felix: "Did you file a citation against yourself?"
Zorp: [Mumbling] "...In triplicate."

The fact that he filed it in triplicate—not just once—is peak Glibglob behavior.

1. Citation 20-C: "Insufficient Concern Regarding Cranial Appendage Poetry"

Episode 39, Segment 1

The absolute winner has to be when Zorp's decorative third eye, Reginald, became fascinated by Felix's left ear and began composing a haiku about its asymmetrical curvature. When Felix suggested this was merely the strangest compliment he'd received "this week," Zorp immediately filed a citation.

The citation: "Insufficient concern regarding cranial appendage poetry"
Zorp's justification: "Very serious matter on Flarbgarrl."

The combination of elements here—a decorative eye writing poetry, Felix's casual acceptance of weirdness, and Zorp's genuine concern about the lack of proper documentation for ear-based poetry—creates the perfect WACTT moment.

Conclusion

Over the course of one episode, Ambassador Zorp Glorbax filed approximately 127 citations (according to STEEP's final count), created 12 paradoxes, and somehow learned to use 1.5 metaphors. But perhaps the most beautiful revelation was his ultimate realization: all these citations, all this documentation of illogic, are really just "different ways beings try to connect with their universe."

Whether it's Earthlings making small talk about pre-programmed weather or Glibglobs requiring forty-seven pages to serve tea, we're all just trying to make sense of existence in our own bewildering ways.

What's your favorite citation from the episode? Have you committed any citable offenses against common sense today? Share your own bureaucratic crimes with #WACTTCitations and remember—somewhere in the universe, Ambassador Zorp is documenting your beautiful chaos.

Listen to the full episode: When Aliens Come to Tea - Episode 39: Ambassador Zorp Glorbax

P.S. - STEEP has begun compiling its own database of human inefficiencies. Current leader: someone who organizes their socks by emotional attachment rather than color. File your own illogical behaviors before Zorp's next visit!